Thursday, July 20, 2006


Hvem sier at vi ikke tror på noe lenger?

Vi tror på alt for mye!

Vi har en hel rekke forestillinger som vi går rundt og tror på, en hel del hodeskapte konsepter som vi tror eksisterer. Som vi tror er manifest i verden.

Jeg oppdager hele tiden ting jeg tror på. Fullt og fast. Det er en maske som jeg har klistret over ansiktet mitt. Over ett av ansiktene. Lagene innover er uendelige, virker det som. Bakenfor en hver tro, bak hver overbevisning som ikke er fullt ut kjent, erfart, sett, ligger det en delforståelse av noe som igjen føder en ny delforståelse. Lag på lag av halvsannheter bygger et etterhvert forkvaklet virkelighetsbilde. Og dette er den verden de fleste tror eksisterer. Jeg er en av dem, men prøver hver dag å se sannheten i øynene.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Two of me

This is how I feel - ready to take on the world.

But habits of hiding are hard to end.

I love life but constantly tell myself to live it differently.

These few lines seem moody and glum, yet I feel perfectly fine - this is a paradox I often run into! I feel schizofrenic somehow, like I'm parted in two: One who is thinking, weighing pros and cons and inventing problems and concerns - and one who is acting, dealing with situations and people and being a part of this world.

I really feel split in two here! I don't see how these two can be united.


Monday, July 10, 2006

I would so like to immerse myself in beauty. To bathe in Bach, to fall into the depths of Rembrandt, to drink the seagreen of Tranströmer and Dickinson, to envelop all the greens and blues of nature! To ignite on the reds and yellows! Bring life along and I'll swallow it whole.

I thirst for all things beautiful, expressive and truehearted.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Augustine & me

I read a few paragraphs of Augustine's Confessions and felt my heart crack open. With a painful pang, veils who had been clouding my presence/existence, were drawn away.

I felt my own heart in its raw, unprotected state, quivering, pulsating, flowing with incredibly tender, liquid/vapour-like substance. All too intensely alive and potentially painful for me to be able to stay with, as I am at work. Surrounded by books (which are probably my best friends), but also by people. And I just couldn't break down or merge completely with the text. Or - the text is not really what I would say is what reached me today. It is the imprint of the soul behind it. Augustine flowed through his own words, from the well which he himself had contact with in order to write and see and feel and think what he did.

Meeting myself heart to heart like this made me realise, yet again, that the one you fear the most is yourself.

There is so much life in me, and you, that you do everything in your power to suppress it. It is painful to see and more painful to feel.

I needed a reminder of who I am.

As to who I can become, I dare not think. But am trying to just allow myself to be filled with true nature when it arises.

Love to all, always.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

What is a historian?

This is something I have been pondering lately: "what is a historian?".

Why this question formulated itself now has to do with a radio programme I listened to earlier this week. In it there was a historian working as a researcher of the future, a scientist who dealt with hypotheses about how future technology will affect the work and lives of people. It came to me, then, that just as much as delving into the past and getting lost in details and different times' different habits and ways of life, a historian acquires knowledge about the structure of human life.

People of all times have put their thoughts and ideas into action, into a pattern of life, have poured their thoughts about what life is and how it should be lived, into systems, into some kind of organisation. Often this has been done consciously, but I believe that just as often a "world order" (locally as well as globally) has been derived out of a set of ideas living in the people at that time. That a powerful current of ideas actually materializes itself through the people thinking, imagining and seeing them, that these people actually work as an instrument for the prominent ideas of their time.

A historian, who sits at a distance from these events, has the power to see the long lines and developments in human nature and how we execute our insights and powers.

So a historian can, by use of his imagination and comparative intelligence, transfer this knowledge about old times to how we might behave in the future.

Therefore, the term "historian" might not be the best to describe the real function he fills - or can fill.

Human systems scientist, perhaps? Not as catchy, though.. I admit that!

Any better suggestions?