Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My English Dream

For a long time I nurtured a dream of studying at Cambridge or Oxford University in England. From the age of 14, I believe, I really wanted to go there and study literature.

I mean, look at this place:
How could you not want to walk amongst those stony streets, breathing the learned gusts of ancient stone and dusty books?

My sad story is that I never quite believed that I could do it. My English would have to need a serious brushing up. I would have to read a lot more books (even though I love reading, there are SO many books I haven't read, and I am afraid my list of read books aren't quite up to scratch as to what is required in these institutions). The unconscious mantra I have nurtured sounds something as follows: "I am just a Norwegian girl, a tiny dot on this planet, how am I ever to rise up into any position of influence or interest to others."

This is such a self-subvertive view of life! It really bothers me that I have believed in this for so long! And even though I may come round to viewing life different now, at the age of 26, much is too late! I am never going to go into any of those great institutions, I am hanging around here in Norway, University of Oslo, because that is what seemed more safe at the time I started my "academic carreer" (I haven't finished my MA yet, so there you go. "Carreer" my bleep).

Anyway. Thinking back, now, it is sort of sad to see in just how many ways I have hindered myself in doing just what I would like to do. If I could, I would like to time-travel back to my 14-year old self, giving out wise advise and telling me that I can actually do what I want to. I can pursue my burning interests to the other side of the planet, if that is what would pay off most.

To any other young girl out there (yes, "girl", because there are mostly girls who don't have enough self esteem) I would like to say: Believe in what you've got. Trust that instinct telling you what you are good at. Follow your gut.

And. I know: Easy to say now, hard to believe then. Nevertheless. It is true.

Believe in yourself, girls!


Theklamor said...

Kloke ord. Du er ei flott, intelligent og klok jente, og det er en fryd å se hvordan du har utviklet deg til et voksen, modig, selvstendig tenkende menneske, hele tiden på vei videre. Jeg er stolt av deg, Theklajenta mi.

Jason said...

I hope you hold tight on your dream.
My dream is to study philosophy, but I am studying engineering right now. My plan is to retire at 50 and go back to university to study philosophy. Anything can happen. Who knows.